Category: hector barbossa

CARINA <3 SALAZAR: 2 (this is getting ridiculo…

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(I know how you feel, Carina)

HATS

Jack Sparrow:    I NEED MY HAT OR I AM NOT A PROPER CAPTAIN! 

Barbossa:          I NEED A HAT BUT IT ALWAYS MUST BE BIGGER THAN EVERYONE ELSE’S (Especially Jack’s)!

Elizabeth:           I don’t NEED a hat, but it’s good to wear one occasionally 

Will:                    Ever since that stupid hat I wore at the end of COTBP, I have not worn another 
 
Davy Jones:        I HAD A HAT … BUT IT FELL OFF MY HEAD WHEN I FELL INTO THE SEA!! 

Beckett:              Of coarse I have a hat, I even wore it when my ship- … ahem, I don’t like to talk about that

Blackbeard: 
   WHY THE HELL DOES MY HAT HAVE STUDS IN IT?!
 
Angelica:
         Yes, I am wearing a hat, want to make something of it?!

Henry:   
          I only wear hats when I am temporarily in the British Navy, or disguising myself as a British Officer

Carina:           I don’t wear hats! How the blazes am I gonna read the stars with abloody hat on my head?!

Jack:              But hats are important, Carina!

Will and Elizabeth:               -No they’re not!

Barbossa: 
      -Unless they’re big! 

Angelica:         -With feathers! 

Blackbeard:     –Studs!
 
Davy Jones:    -CALYPSO!
 
*They all gawk at him* 

Jack:                Trust me, Carina, EVERYONE needs a hat, there is no one, absolutely NO ONE that is too perfect to wear a hat

*Salazar walks in, fabulous water-hair floating majestically*
 
Jack:       … God damnit -_- 
         

#Mando’shairistooperfect #Salazardoesnotneedahat

Armando “Sass” Salazar

Lesaro:         Sir, some weird-arse looking pirate ship is                                    coming at us

(Salazar shoves Lesaro out of the way)  

 Salazar:        TARGET PRACTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCEEEEE!!!!-


Barbossa:
     -HOLD UP THERE, YA’LL!! I HEAR YE BE                                            LOOKIN’ FOR JACK?!

 Salazar:         -WTF?!

(Silent Mary crew jumps down onto QAR, Salazar lands behind Barbossa, who turns around slowly, but ends up turning around facing in the oposite direction)  

Salazar:       I’m over here, idiota

Barbossa:       Apologies …. My name’s Captain Barbossa-

Salazar:        Barbarossa?

Barbossa:        No, Barbossa

Salazar:           Barossa?

Barbossa:           … You’re doing that on purpose, aren’t
                                  you? -_-

Salazar:           Si, Barbary Coast

Barbossa:          Oh, ffs

Barbossa:   You’re upside downMando:       No, you’re…

Barbossa:   You’re upside down
Mando:       No, you’re upside down 
Barbossa:    No, you’re upside down 
Mando:        No! YOU’RE upside down! 
Barbossa:    I am telling you, you’re upside down! 
Magda:        (To Lesaro) We might be here for a while 
Lesaro:         Tell me about it 

SPACED OUT

SALAZAR:    No-no-no, men?! No. No-no-no-no … pirates! Pirates … *Spaces out*

BARBOSSA:   … Um … is he okay?

SANTOS:       Si, he does that quite often, especially when   Jack Sparrow is mentioned. He’ll snap out of it, eventually
 

#SalazarBroke #FailedToLoad

Apparently, the Disney POTC5 Facebook page had a vote to see who the most popular villain was. Barbossa ended up winning.  Javier also lost out on the Choice Movie Villain in the Teen Choice Awards … I think us Mando fans should hang our heads in shame for not voting for our Capitan when we should have been.

Sad Mando is sad

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My hands are clean in this. Figuratively.

My hands are clean in this. Figuratively.

POTC5 Ship/Vessel Information:

DYING GULL

Type:      Sloop
Length:  Info not available
Weapons:  1 swivel gun
Affiliation:  Jack Sparrow’s crew
Captain/s:    Jack Sparrow     

THE MONARCH

Type:   War Galleon
Length:   Info not available
Weapons:  32 cannons
Affiliation:   British Royal Navy
Captain/s:     Captain Toms 

WICKED WENCH/BLACK PEARL

Type:      Galleon 
Length:   165 feet 
Weapons:   32 cannons 
Affiliation:   Crew of the Wicked Wench,
                           Crew of the Black Pearl

Captain/s:         Captain Morgan, Jack Sparrow,
                                   Hector Barbossa 

FLYING DUTCHMAN

Type:      Fluyt
Length:    170 feet
Weapons:    52 cannons
Affiliation:   Crew of the Dutchman 
Captain/s:     Davy Jones, Will Turner

THE ESSEX

Type:   Warship (Man O’ War), Ship Of The Line
Length:     Info not available 
Weapons:  88 cannons 
Affiliation:    Royal British Navy 
Captain/s:   Lieutenant John Scarfield

QUEEN ANNE’S REVENGE 

Type:    
Frigate 
Length:    Info not available (over 170 feet)
Weapons:   30 cannons 
Affiliation:   Blackbeard’s crew, Barbossa’s crew
Captain/s:  Edward Teach (Blackbeard), Hector 
                            Barbossa 


SILENT MARY 

Type:    Ship Of The line, Warship
Length:  Info not available, but likely close to 200 feet 
Weapons:  110 “fuck-off” cannons
Affiliation:    Spanish Armada (Royal Spanish Navy)
Captain/s:   Armando Salazar 

SALAZAR WITH BAD BALANCE PART 3

SALAZAR:         The sun is up, and so is your time

BARBOSSA:     Not to disagree but the precision of our                                          accord ends at sunrise, this be but first light,
                                far from a fully rising sun,and I know you to
                               be a man of honour-

SALAZAR:         -Oh, no, you know nothing of me 

BARBOSSA:     I know what it’s like to be bested by Jack
                              Sparrow, he’s an enemy to his-

*Salazar turns around and starts walking over to Barbossa*

SALAZAR:       You don’t know who-

*Falls over, Lesaro throws his hands in the air like “I give up”*

SALAZAR:     – I am

BARBOSSA:   *Trying to not focus on the fact Salazar is                                   now lying in a heap on the deck* I have                                       heard stories of a mighty Spanish captain, El
                                Matador Del Mar, a man who scoured the
                                 seas and killed thousands of men-

SALAZAR:        No-no-no-no- men?! No! No-no-no-no …
                               pirates!

….

BARBOSSA:    Ok, I’m sorry, I HAVE to ask; how do you
                              FUNCTION without falling over?!

LESARO:         *Mutters under breath* Who would                                               know?!  

WHAT IF:

What if Salazar had really bad balance and kept falling or tripping over:
 
Salazar:     (Picks up poster) Jack Sparrow. Do you know
                        this pirate?

 Henry:       Only by name

(Salazar trips over nothing, Lesaro facepalms)

  Henry:       -Oh! Um … Are you ok?

 Salazar:     (Now lying on his back on the ground,
                          acting casual as though tripping over is                                     normal for him)Yes, I’ll just continue
                          questioning you from down here

 Henry:       Um … ok  

 Salazar:      You’re looking for him?

( Henry continues gawking a him)  

Salazar:       Is that a yes?

 Henry:         Y-yes.

————————————————– 


 Jack:                Can I please have a drink … please?

 Bartender:      Where’s your silver?

 Jack:                Silver? How about a trade? Give me the
                            bottle

(Slams the compass down)
  
 Lesaro:            Capitan, what’s happening?! 

Salazar:           Jack Sparrow … Jack Sparrow has given                                     away the compass!

(Rocks crumble, sunshine appears)  

Salazar:            Daylight!- (Trips over, Lesaro curses under
                               his breath)

  Salazar:          (Lying on the ground, acting casual) It’s                                    time to hunt a pirate

 —————————————————————

 Lesaro:            Capitan, a ship sails toward us

(Salazar causes the Silent Mary to rear up over the
QAR )

 Barbossa:         CAPTAIN SALAZAR, I HEAR YE BE
                                 LOOKIN’ FOR JACK SPARROW?!

 (Salazar stops, then suddenly his crew start jumping down onto the Queen Anne’s Revenge, and finally, Salazar jumps down, but then as he is walking up to Barbossa, he trips over. Barbossa does not know how to react – Lesaro, however, is not amused)

  Barbossa:         (Trying to ignore the fact that Salazar is
                                   now lying on the deck of the ship in a                                         twisted position) My name’s Captain
                                   Barbossa, I stand before you with                                                       cordial intent

 Salazar:             (Totally not phased about the fact he is
                                 unable to get back up) Eeh, cordial
                                 intent